A while ago I wrote about the types of people who annoy me the most on Facebook- the political ranters, TMI over-sharers, food photographers, etc. Over a year has gone by since I published that article, and as more people my age get engaged, married and become parents, I have seen some new types of posts that I wish I hadn’t.
I’m really not trying to be mean here. Please keep in mind that the reason these people made my annoying list is not just because they post stuff like this once in a while- they do it constantly. I’m sure I don’t really have to explain this, as we all have Facebook and probably know these types well. The only people who will not get this article or find it mean are the ones that I’m about to talk about!
Third person mommies
It’s usually the mothers-not fathers- who do this. They talk about themselves in third person and refer to themselves as Mommy. “Mommy is tired.” “Mommy doesn’t feel well.”
Mommy is so wrapped up in baby that she forgot how to talk to adults. Mommy needs a night out!
Again mommies- when you’re on Facebook you’re talking to adults. I understand it was a proud moment, and I wouldn’t mind this post if you simply announced that your child used the toilet. But nobody has said pee pee in the potty to me since before I could read.
The dark, possibly suicidal posters:
When a friend’s little sister’s friend that I haven’t seen since middle school posts something really dark that seems like it could possibly be a cryptic suicide message, it puts me in a weird place. I mean, what is the proper thing to do? I don’t want to reach out if they’re just being dramatic and attention-starved, but I’d feel bad if something really happened to them. We all have one or two of these people on our friends list- do we ask if they’re okay every time they cry out for attention or just let them work it out?
Parents who get crazy with other parents on Facebook
I’m not really sure what the rants above even mean due to all the spelling and grammar issues, but I’m pretty sure they’re directed at another parent. Possibly their baby daddies? Who knows. Either way, those poor kids are screwed.
These are the people who believe everything they read in the National Enquirer. They fill our news feeds with the most outrageous “news” stories that almost always turn out to be a hoax. These people are the reason why someone threatening to kill Toby the bunny raised $20,000, Kony became a household name, and why we think that people in China are actually making soup out of dead babies.
“Vote for my baby”
Babies are cute. Almost all of them. But I’m not going to start voting for the infant who I think is the cutest.
Of course every parent thinks that their baby is the cutest of them all. But why do they have to make it a competition? Last month Gerber hosted its photo search and my news feed was flooded with parents begging me to vote for their baby. Do they really think their baby is actually going to beat out the other thousands of babies and win? It’s not like the baby who is the cutest wins- the baby with the parents who spend their entire day doing nothing but voting wins. Or the baby with the computer programmer father who figures out a way to hack the system.
The gym rats
Most people my age work out. I consider going to the gym a regular part of everyday life in order to stay healthy. It’s right up there with going food shopping, sleeping at night and taking vitamins. It seems silly to announce on a daily basis that I took my vitamins, so why do people feel the need to announce that they are at the gym every single day? My guess is that they don’t get enough attention at home, so they must show the world that they’re cool at every chance they get.
Parents who keep asking where the time went.
I’ve noticed that it’s always the same people asking where the time went. Considering they spend most of their time on Facebook counting time, I’m surprised it doesn’t feel like time goes slooooooow.