Monthly Archives: June 2013

What Do Internet Marketing & Beautiful Women Have In Common?

Happy Friday, everyone!  Here’s a few cheesy jokes that those in the internet marketing industry can appreciate.  I hope they make you LOL a little 😉

You see a beautiful woman at a party. You walk up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me.” That’s DIRECT MARKETING.

You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a beautiful woman. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He is very rich. Marry him.” That’s ADVERTISING.

You see a beautiful woman at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you called her and say, “Hi, I am very rich. Marry me.” That’s TELEMARKETING.

You are at a party and see a beautiful woman. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m very rich. Will you marry me?”  That’s PUBLIC RELATIONS.

You are at a party and a beautiful woman walks up to you and says, “You are very rich.” That’s BRAND RECOGNITION.

You see a beautiful woman at a party. You walk up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me.” She gives you a nice hard slap across your face. That’s CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.

You take a shower, shave and put on some clean clothes. You go to a party. Everyone in the room smells bad. A beautiful woman walks up to you and gives you her number. That’s INBOUND MARKETING.

The lines above were written by Carole Mahoney.  I thought they were funny (well, as funny as marketing can get) and decided to make up a few of my own about internet marketing:

You see a beautiful woman at party.  You make friends with everyone else in the room and they all tell her “He is very rich.  Marry him.”  That’s LINK BUILDING.

You see a beautiful woman at a party.  You pay someone to go up to her, point to you and say “He is very rich.  Marry him.”  That’s AFFILIATE MARKETING.

You are at a party and see a beautiful woman.  You get her name, find her on Facebook, message her and say “Hi, I am very rich. Marry me.” That’s SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING.

You see a beautiful woman at a party. You go up to her and get her email address. The next day you email her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me.” That’s EMAIL MARKETING.

The beautiful woman is at the party to find a man.  The man knows this, and stands close enough so that she will notice him first.  That’s SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION!

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Instagram Gets Videos!

Today is a rough day for Vine, as Instagram has finally caught up.  Instagram, owned by Facebook, announced today to its 130 million users that it has introduced a video functionality.

Vine, which is owned by Twitter, was great for a few months, but like many other short-video services, its video time is limited.  Instagram’s videos are limited as well, but at 15 seconds long they’re more than twice the time of Vine’s.  Unless Vine extends their video time to longer than 15 seconds and comes up with some cool new features, I don’t see a way that they could keep up.  But I do have faith in them.

According to Instagram co-founder Kevin Systrom, the 15-second limit was chosen after testing different times.   He called it the right balance “between not too short that it constrains your creativity” and not so long that you have to wait a while for a file to upload.

Instagram’s video-sharing feature was widely expected and has excited many users.  Described Systrom as “everything you love about Instagram — and it moves,” video is designed around three core principles:

  • Simplicity — It needs to be easy to use and edit
  • Beauty — “We need to do to video what we did to photos.”
  • Community — Instagram continues to look and work the same way when it comes to sharing and viewing content.

Here’s what else we know about Instagram Video so far:

  • The videos can be between three and 15 seconds long and include any number of individual video clips
  • It came to iOS and Android at the same time and supports 13 custom filters, created by an artist specifically for Instagram video
  • Users can edit the frames of their videos and remove segments of the footage
  • A mode named “Cinema” acts as a way to stabilize footage
  • Users can choose a cover photo for their videos, which will appear in the stream as a regular photo
  • For now, videos can only be shot from within the Instagram app.  There is not yet a way to upload existing video from your phone’s camera roll

To get the video function, update your existing Instagram app.

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What Bartending Taught Me About Business

When I began bartending at 18 years old, I looked at it as a way to make some fast, easy cash while putting myself through college.  I always knew that it was a temporary job; I would never be a career bartender, and in the beginning I didn’t take it too seriously.  I was just grateful to have a job where I could walk in, do my thing for a few hours, leave with a wad of cash and not have to take any work or stress home with me.

I quickly realized that I could make my wad of earnings much larger by doing a few things differently.  Damien, a former manager, once explained this to me and it made a lot of sense:

“You’re basically running your own business behind the bar.  We provide you with the ‘office’ and ‘tools,’ but how you run your business is up to you.  If you provide a great product (good drinks) that you know how to sell and upsell, and you give great customer service, I guarantee that you will make more money.  It’s all up to you.”

I became a hustler behind the bar, and saw my money grow almost immediately.  I loved the fact that I could give myself a raise on any given shift just by working smarter.  I got better and better at what I did, and by the time I graduated from college, the money was so good that it was almost painful to walk away and start at the bottom of the internet marketing rat race.

To create cocktails and call yourself a bartender is not hard- a monkey could be taught to pour beer and shake up a martini.  What separates an average bartender and a great bartender is not the competence to make drinks- it’s the ability to sell, satisfy the customer and keep them coming back.  I’ll explain each in detail as I share a few lessons I learned that I have used to succeed both behind the bar and in the real world:

Know your product and sell the hell out of it

I’m going to break this one up into two parts, because each is equally important.  It’s very hard to sell something you know nothing about, and even if you’re an expert on a product, it’s worthless unless you figure out a way to sell it.

It’s very simple: if you’re not selling something that people want, you’re not making money.

Cocktails in a bar sell themselves- that’s why the customers showed up in the first place.  However, the customer may not necessarily know what they want, and it’s up to you to inform and sell them.  This is your opportunity to upsell.  As long as you can convince your customer that Grey Goose is better than Crystal Palace (yuck) your sales will go up, and most likely so will your tips.

When you walk into a bar, it’s very easy to spot the great bartenders- they’re the ones who greet you immediately, make conversation and try to sell you their products with enthusiasm.

Bad bartenders on the other hand tend to have the same bad habits I’ve seen struggling business people have.  They’re either more worried about the drama in their personal lives, too lazy to put in the work, not interested in what they’re selling, or they fail to upsell.

When you’re trying to succeed and make money, it’s important to remember that selling comes first.  Everything else comes second.

You must make people feel comfortable

Have you ever wondered why bartenders are also considered therapists?  One of the main reasons that people go to the bar and pour their hearts out to an almost-stranger is because bartenders just listen without judging.  Think about it- how many people in your life hear you out and ask questions without judgment?

As a bartender, I never told people what to do or judged their motives or actions the way I might do to my friends. By doing this, I earned the trust of my regulars.  They were comfortable coming in and updating me on their lives (while spending money), knowing that I wouldn’t think any more or less of them.

Trust is huge in almost every facet of life, especially business.  When people feel comfortable coming to you, it is much easier to accomplish things.

When you’re a team player, the results are usually better

Although you might consider yourself to be running your own little business, I guarantee that it’ll run a lot smoother if you accept some help from time to time.  When you’re busy, it’s really helpful to have that extra person who supports you, whether it’s a bar-back refilling your ice, or a co-worker to share the workload with.

You can’t be everywhere, and you’re not going to be good at everything, so it’s important to surround yourself with a great team to keep you balanced.  Make sure you treat those people well.

Know that you can handle a lot more than you think you can

I remember feeling excited, but absolutely terrified, before working my first Winter Music Conference.  I heard stories from those who had been through it before of 18-hour shifts for five days straight, dealing with the most wild and drugged-up partiers ever.

In the days leading up to WMC, I rested, meditated and did my best to mentally and physically prepare myself for what laid ahead.  By day 5 I felt like I had run a marathon and calculated more prices in my head than a math team- I was fried. But it was so motivating to look over and see the cash piling up in the tip jar.

The moral of this story- you can keep going much longer than you think you can when you need to.  I’m not telling you to hustle for 18 hours every single day, but when the money is there, GET IT, because it might not always be.

Don’t let anyone disrespect you

Even though I was there to earn money, whenever a customer crossed a line and disrespected me, they were quickly shown the door.  It didn’t matter if they were spending money- no negativity was allowed.

I know this goes a little against everything I have already said in this article, but I’m a firm believer in removing anyone who causes a great amount of problems and stress.  This applies to both at work and in life.  These people end up sucking your time and energy, creating a bad vibe, and will often badmouth you to other customers or ask for a refund after you’ve bent over backwards for them.  It takes your attention away from the better paying customers, and in my opinion, it’s just better to remove these bad apples.

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What Internet Marketers Can Learn From LeBron James

LeBron James is a champion for a reason. Nothing was handed to him or came easy; many years of hard work, planning and preparation went into making him what he is today.  Here are some valuable lessons that internet marketers, entrepreneurs and basically anyone who wants to be successful can learn just by observing The King:

To be a winner, you must push yourself

LeBron James flex

It is not possible to become one of the best athletes in the world without figuring out the physical limits of your body and a way to exceed them.  Just like in the NBA, there’s no shortage of competition in the internet marketing industry. As more people join the industry and become better at what they do, it’s going to get harder to stand out.

Instead of perceiving competition as a threat or a negative thing, we must use it as motivation to push ourselves harder.

Have you ever seen the video of LeBron’s pre-game workout routine?  The same way LeBron puts in the work to be stronger than his competition, marketers much push themselves to exceed to continually provide the best service and technology in the industry.  It doesn’t matter whether you work in an office or an arena- you’ll still need to put in the work if you plan on beating your competition.

Don’t let awkward situations get to you

LeBron and his mother, Gloria James
As many NBA fans know, LeBron’s mother, Gloria, can be a handful.  LeBron was forced to deal with a touchy subject involving his mother and her alleged lover, Cleveland teammate Delonte West.

No matter how awkward things got, LeBron kept his cool and doesn’t let tension affect his game.  He kept his focus and still played like the boss that he was.

With the constant change in the marketing industry, it’s easy to sweat the small stuff and turn a simple misunderstanding into something that could end up making you look bad or terminating a relationship.  By taking a cue from LeBron, we can learn to stay calm, take a deep breath and keep going.

It’s hard to succeed all alone— surround yourself with a great team

Dwyane Wade and Lebron James

The King was already an all-star player in Cleveland, but he knew that there was no way he was going to win a championship all by himself.  He knew he needed some help from a great team, which was a huge factor in his decision to take his talents to South Beach.

No matter how awesome you are, it’s really hard to succeed in the marketing industry by yourself. Surround yourself with other great talent and together you guys can achieve a whole lot more.

Learn from those who have already succeeded

Jay Z and Lebron James

Every successful person has someone that they look up to and learn from.  While LeBron undoubtedly looks up to basketball greats, it’s his unique relationship with Jay Z that stands out to me.  The guys have been friends for years, and Jay has served as a mentor to LeBron.  Jay has guided LeBron in using his success to branch out of basketball and think like a businessman and entrepreneur.  As a result, LeBron surpassed Kobe Bryant this year as the highest paid basketball player in the world with earnings of $56.5 million.

The lesson learned here- If you want to be the best, make sure that you are being taught by the best.

Keep a thick skin and keep on moving

LeBron James is one of the most disliked and scrutinized athletes in the world.  People have picked on him about everything from leaving Cleveland to not winning a title for nine years to his receding hairline.

As marketers, we understand that clients all have different personalities, needs and demands and we must do what we can to make them all happy.  Even when you’re really good at what you do, it’s simply not possible to make every person happy all the time, and some people will turn on you the minute something doesn’t go their way.  You must have a thick skin in times like this and try not to take things personally.

After LeBron came to Miami, people called him names and made fun of him, and what did he do?  He kept going and became a champion.

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Casey Kurlander, Search marketing Specialist, BMI Elite